Testimony Tuesday-Miss you Aunt Donna!

Today I am very grateful for my knowledge of the Plan of Salvation.  It is such a great comfort to know that when our loved ones pass on, they are not truly gone.  I got word last night that my dad's dad's sister, Donna, passed away.  She has been sick for a while now, and we knew it was coming.  It doesn't make the passing any easier.  I take comfort in knowing that she is in the Spirit World now, and with those of our loved ones who have already finished their work here on the earth.

My favorite memory of Aunt Donna happened a few years back.  We were doing our annual Montpelier Memorial day trip, and I remember sitting at the cemetery and visiting with Aunt Donna.  She told me wonderful stories about my grandpa, and how much she loved and respected him.  With Aunt Donna, you always knew that you were loved.  She had this presence about her that made you feel like you were special, and that she cared about you.  She always remembered my name and took the time to talk to me, even when I was a little kid.  Her love will always be a treasure to me of my heritage, and she represented the Eschler/Kunz line well.

Miss you Aunt Donna!  Give Grandpa and Grandma a great big hug from me!

Aunt Donna and Traupa at his 90th (?) birthday

"As a special witness of Jesus Christ, I testify that He lives! I also testify that the veil of death is very thin. I know by experiences too sacred to relate that those who have gone before are not strangers to leaders of this Church. To us and to you, our loved ones may be just as close as the next room—separated only by the doors of death.

With that assurance, brothers and sisters, love life! Cherish each moment as a blessing from God. (See Mosiah 2:21.) Live it well—even to your loftiest potential. Then the anticipation of death shall not hold you hostage. With the help of the Lord, your deeds and desires will qualify you to receive everlasting joy, glory, immortality, and eternal lives."

                   -Elder Russell M. Nelson, Quorum of the 12 Apostles (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/doors-of-death?lang=eng)

Fear Not, I am with thee

So, I'm trying to be better about writing a blog, and so I've decided to maybe try out some different themes on different days, just to see how it goes.  I know everyone does #throwbackthursdays, but I was never really a fan.  So, I'm going to try to do a #ThankfulThursday post.

To start out, on my mission one of my favorite hymns quickly became How Firm a Foundation.  I don't know what page number it is in English, but I'm sure every Malagasy/Madagascar missionary knows that it is number 12 in the Malagasy hymnbook.  Among member, this hymn was known as the hirampirenena, or the national hymn, because it is the one song that everyone seemed to know without needing a hymnbook.  My favorite line quickly became the beginning of the third verse, "Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed, for I am thy God and will still give thee aid."  Boom.  There it is.  A fact as honest and true as could only come from the Creator and the Father.  I had several incredible experiences this week that strengthened my testimony of that fact.

This whole week I have been having the hardest time making decisions, and coming to terms with the way my life is going, and it being different than I expected.  I received some great counsel from an incredible friend.  She advised to me "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings."  I often pray for help, but rarely do I "counsel," and especially not in "all [my] doings."  Another friend posted on facebook, "coincidentally" around the same time the difference between praying like we are placing a grocery list, and meditating.  So, Wednesday morning I got down on my knees, feeling like I had come to the end of my rope.  I prayed and really tried to counsel with the Lord, pouring my heart out, and asking specific questions.  My answer, like it normally does, didn't come during that time.  But that time of meditation and prayer helped me to realize that He is with me.  And I shouldn't fear.

When I walked into the kitchen, I noticed that I had a letter from a great friend.  She and I recently decided that we should be penpals, and this was her first letter to me.  In it, she expressed extreme gratitude to me for a priesthood blessing I gave her almost two years ago.  I am extremely grateful for this letter, because it changed my week, and maybe even my life.  She reminded me of the power of the priesthood, and of the amazing opportunity I have to be an instrument in the hands of the Lord.  I had no idea that the blessing meant so much to her, nor did she know her letter meant so much to me.  But I am grateful that the Lord uses us to mutually bless one another's lives and answer prayers.

I am also grateful for answers to prayer, and the diversity of ways that answers can come.  Part of this #ThankfulThursday post has to go out to my mom and dad.  They have been such staples of diligence and hard work in my life, and they always give me invaluable advice.  One of the greatest blessings they have given me is an ability to work hard.  Another is the ability to reason through life's choices and make a decision that is reasonable and in line with the Lord's will.

So, to summarize my gratitude, I am thankful for the Lord.  For his mindfulness.  For friends who follow promptings and help me.  For prayer.  For inspired leaders.  For answers.  For parents.  For family.

Whataburger, Whatameal, Whatanadventure

Hello!
I have been SO terribly bad at posting and keeping updates.  Hopefully I'll get better!

Just a few fun things....

School has started!  Yikes!  I can't believe that this day has come!  (A week and a half ago).  I didn't really know what to expect from graduate school, but I am so glad that I went to Weber.  As of right now, I feel extremely prepared for what has been coming my way.  My classes are great, and the professors expect us to think analytically.  I feel like that is what I have been doing for the past few years, and it is nice that many of my classes are more in-depth reviews than what I did in my undergrad.  Saying things like that makes me realize that I am in a whole new world.  My undergrad.  It's over.

I won't lie, I miss Weber like crazy.  I grew so much there and put so much of my heart and soul into that place.  I made some of the best friends I have ever had or knew were possible.  And making new friends is HARD!  But, it is worth it.  At institute last night we talked about the importance of patience.  Well, I guess I'll have to work on that a little more.

I went to Whataburger today for the first time.  Apparently it is a big deal down here!  Hahaha.  It was kind of like a mix between McDonald's and In-n-out.  Not as fancy as In-n-out, but not as grunge as Mickey D's.  Hahaha.  It was good though, and I'll probably be back.

Other things are starting to get better.  My roommates are great, my ward is good and I'm starting to make friends.  All in all, I can see myself being very happy here!

Don't Mess with Texas

Hello!

It has been way too long since I've posted ANYTHING on my blog.  But, now that I am out of state, I figured I would try to be better at posting.

I guess this post will be a short little update on the past year...

Last year about this time I was starting my final year at Weber State.  I was moving in with some of my best friends, still working at the bookstore, and ready to have an awesome year.  And it WAS!  I had so much fun, learned so much, and grew a lot too.  Looking back, I can hardly believe how much the lord has blessed me!

If you had asked me that in February, I might have said differently.  I had spent the few months prior finishing the grueling process of graduate school applications.  I applied to 7 schools for a Ph.D. in Clinical Neuropsychology.  As my luck would have it, I planned and God laughed and I didn't get into any of the schools.

I was really thinking about taking a year off, and trying again.  But I couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't right!  Dr. Fowler (just one of the coolest people I know), told me to look into some master's programs and that's what I did!  I applied to 3 different schools for a master's in neuroscience.

Time went on, and I was busy with graduation and finishing my last semester.  It was such a great semester.  I loved TAing for Dr. Shaw, learning how to snowboard, and finishing my capstone research project.

Graduation was a blur.  A few weeks later a got a letter from the Teacher's College at Columbia University in New York City.  I got IN!!!  I was so happy!  I couldn't believe it.  I started looking up where I would live and what I would do.  I couldn't believe that I would be moving to NYC.  So crazy.  A few weeks later I got letters of acceptance from both Tulane University in New Orleans, and the University of Texas at Dallas.  Uh-oh, now I had a choice to make.

I spent a lot of time seeking advice from professors and contacts.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do.  NYC just seemed so glamorous and amazing.  I finally decided that UTD would be the best fit for me.  I went to the Bountiful Temple, and while sitting in the Celestial Room I had this amazing sense of peace that Texas was the next place for me to continue my journey.  With renewed faith I accepted my offer to UTD, and declined my offers elsewhere.

The summer went on, and Tara moved home!  We had a whirlwind two weeks together, cramming in as much as we possibly could.

Sunday, August 17th was probably one of the hardest days of my life.  My cousin, Mallory, got home from her mission and was speaking in church, and it was great to see her and her family.  I spent the afternoon with my family, procrastinating packing as much as possible.  Trevor, Charlee, and Brecklyn had to go back to Logan, and that was the beginning of my goodbyes.  When I look at the the past three years, I am so grateful for the three of them.  Just 3.5 years ago, I didn't even know who Charlee was, and now she is one of my best friends.  She is crazy, but she is great.  So grateful to have her as a sister-in-law.  She is a great mother to my niece, and the perfect fit for my brother.  Trevor is the best brother I could ask for.  He is so great, and I have always looked up to him and wished I could be just like him.  I am so proud of him for the great husband and father that he has become.  And little Brecklyn is just the light of our lives.  She has so much personality, I can't wait to see what great things she will do with the world.  Her Uncle Bubbles loves her!

Later that night, I asked my dad for a father's blessing.  In my family, we have a tradition of getting father's blessings each year before school starts.  The blessing my father gave me was just amazing.  I don't remember all of the details, but I do remember the feelings I felt.  That God loves me.  He has a plan for me, and he is looking out for me.  He is aware of my needs and desires, and I just need to trust in him.  I was also so very aware of the blessings of my family.  Both those still on this earth and those that have moved on to the other side of the veil.  I felt the many prayers being offered in my behalf, and felt a great peace enter my heart.

The next morning I woke up early, loaded up the last of my stuff, and had to say my final goodbyes.  I said bye to Dad the night before.  I am so grateful for his leadership and his spirituality.  He has taught me so much in my life, and it scares me when I find myself sounding just like him.  When people tell me I am like my dad, I feel warm and fuzzy inside.

My dear, sweet mother is an angel.  She has always been there for me, to counsel, to laugh, to advise, and to love.  I for sure don't know where I would be without her.  I hope the tooth fairy comes and is very nice to you mom!

Saying good-bye to my sister was also very hard.  She has been my best friend for so long!  It just seems dumb that two weeks after she comes home from a year away, I then leave.  We must just be too awesome to handle in the same state for very long!  I definitely think the rest of our family would go crazy!  Thanks for being there for me Mimi!

I got to Texas safe and sound yesterday.  It was a long drive, and there were moments where I was sure I was hallucinating.  Either that or Superman really did fly out of a cornfield to save Dorothy Gale from a tornado in Kansas....

All I know is that the next few years will be exciting and wonderful.  I have no idea what to expect, but I'll be ready!

My Week of Last Firsts

This has been such a crazy last week of school.  I have been really nostalgic about this whole last semester thing starting.  Some fun things from this week:

1.  I love my ward.  It is so great to be back with my ward and to see them all.
2.  I survived my last rush!  It was not as awful as expected, but boy were we busy at the bookstore!
3.  I am learning new things.  I have a snowboarding and a swimming class this semester, and I am really enjoying learning some new hobbies and how to do them correctly.

New Year's Resolutions

There's nothing like new years to urge a blog post on my seemingly empty and seemingly forgotten blog...

I've had a lot of time to think and to think and to think this Christmas break.  It might sound pretty sacrilegious, but I have not really been a fan of the Holidays for a long time.  I feel like I get very depressed around this time of year because I start to stew on how hard things are, or how awful things have been.  My flow and my business kind of leave me, and I'm left with nothing but my own thoughts.  As Lefou in Beauty and the Beast said, "A dangerous past-time" that thinking stuff is.  Great, now I have that song stuck in my head.  As I was saying, the break for me is traditionally a hard time where I stick myself in a rut, and end up missing out on the joys of the season.

This time around, I got thinking to how out of control my life has felt, and started in on the self-loathing because I wasn't happy with who I've become post mission.  I've been really upset with myself because I haven't retained many of the skills and attributes that I worked so hard to get.

Luckily, I've had some answered prayers and some things brought to my remembrance.  When I first got home I gave a talk in Sacrament Meeting.  I outlined three principles that I learned from my mission as they were taught to me by my companions.  The first lesson I learned was, as my blog title suggests, "Mianatra, mitombo, mivoatra," taught to me by a mini-missionary named Vonjy.  It translates to mean, "Learn, grow, progress."  Vonjy would tell me this whenever I was feeling down or when I was discouraged by my lack of knowledge in the language.  I'm just glad I understood what he was telling me.  This lesson is, for me, one of humility.  Of meekness.  It is not enough to just focus in on strengths or to only focus on weaknesses, but to be aware of weaknesses and work to overcome them.  To remember that I am entirely dependent on the Lord and to rely on His strength and His Atonement to help me become better.

The second lesson I learned came from a dear friend, Elder Jacobson.  I have always been a pretty indecisive person, and tend to focus on the reasons to not do certain things.  When I would start to act like this, Elder Jacobson would look at me and say, "Pourquoi pas?"  In French, this means, "Why not?"  Too often I focus on all the reasons why I shouldn't do things, instead of having the courage to do things.  The courage to begin, or the courage to persevere.  I look at all the reasons why I shouldn't pursue a girl, why I'm not good enough.  God didn't send me here to learn why I'm not doing things or to discover who I'm not.  He sent me here to learn who I am.  What qualities are hidden away in my potential that are just waiting to be uncovered?  What friendships are left unmade because I was too afraid to take a risk?  Pourquoi pas is a lesson in courage and in faith.  I need to have the determination to take risks, to be an object in motion and not an object acted upon.

The last lesson that stood out to me from my mission was taught to me by a companion who had way too much energy and was way too happy.  Elder Slater would often sing to me, "Aza manahy."  The best translation for this is Hakuna Matata, and it really is a wonderful phrase.  Worries only breed more worries.  Sister Lehnardt told me quote that "Worrying about tomorrow only steals from todays solace."  I really like that because it reminds me of the importance to enjoy the journey.  This lesson speaks for itself in my mind, because it emphasizes the importance of diligence and enjoyment in the moment, in the present.  Worrying about the future only brings anxiety, while worrying about the past brings depression.  But focusing on the present brings courage, joy, and more determination.

So, those are my three new year's resolutions.  After all, true doctrine, understood, changes behavior faster than a study of behavior changes behavior-Boyd K. Packer.

1.  Mianatra, Mitombo, Mivoatra
2.  Pourquoi Pas?
3.  Aza Manahy-Don't Worry-Hakuna Matata

Jeppson

For the past few months I have been wanting to write in my blog, but I haven't had the proper motivation or energy to do so.  Winter is always a hard time for me, and it is hard for me to do anything but the bare necessities.  But, as Elder Bednar quoted in a recent fireside, to not shrink is better than to survive, and I have been surviving.

The reason that I wanted to write a little bit was to get my memories down about a great man who passed from this life last Thursday.  That man is my Grandpa Jeppson, who was my hero in many ways.

I had been having quite a hard time with life, just feeling the winter blues that normally accompany the end of February.  I listened to a great fireside by Elder Bednar accompanied by a great weekend at home with my family, counsel from my dad, love from my mom, and laughter with my sister.  But then I came back to the drudgery of school and Ogden and work, and began to make some minor changes hoping they would make a big difference.  I was finally feeling like I was getting back on the right track, when I pick up my phone and realize that I have 20,000 missed calls and texts from my parents.  I called Dad to hear the news, "Grandpa Jeppson passed away.  We are at the house."

When I first heard that news, I don't think I realized what it meant.  I was in shock more than anything else.  With the passings of my first 3 grandparents, I didn't really find occasion to mourn and distress until the funeral.  I went and prayed to my Heavenly Father asking Him what He would have me do, and for some reason I still felt like I should continue with my plans to go to Las Vegas for the last weekend of Spring Break.

In short, I learned a lot about myself while I was in Vegas.  Although I was surrounded by filth and temptation, I was able to stand strong and not give in when it would have been so easy and no one would have ever found out.  While we were there we went and saw "Oz, The Great and Powerful."  The line that hit me there was when Glinda (still in Kansas and black and white) tells Oscar that he is a good person.  He protests, and she says, "The only person you have fooled is yourself."  I am definitely my own worst critic, and I have a terrible time realizing that I have worth and potential and value.  I think of myself as "bad" more often than not.  But during this trip, thinking of my Grandpa, I realized that I am good.

At the funeral, my dad gave the closing remarks.  He talked about what makes a great man.  My grandpa was not rich, overly eloquent, and could be pretty ornery from time to time.  But the truth is, he is a great man and a great role model to me.  What is it that makes him great?

The comments that came from memories of my grandpa seemed to have one main theme.  That was the theme of unconditional love.  No matter what, my grandpa could make a person feel welcome and loved.  When we would go camping and eat red vines, saltwater taffy, and play Yahtzee with my grandparents in their trailer, I just felt loved.

Whenever my siblings, or cousins, or I had any sort of activity, he was there.  If it was sports, dance, plays, graduations, talks, homecomings, birthdays, my grandpa made it a point to be there. He also made it a point to joke and tease and meddle.  He thought he was quite clever because when the Kukoo clocks in our house would go off, he would repeat soon after the kukoo, "Ben" or someone else's name saying, "They're calling for ya!"

The night of the viewing, my sister and I decided to watch a movie.  Trevor and Charlee were using the DVD player, so we had to resort to a good old VHS.  Tara chose the Lion King, my favorite movie.  After struggling to figure out how it goes in the machine, we settled down to watch it.  I don't think there is a more fitting movie we could have watched the night before the funeral.  At one point, Simba has lost view of who he is.  Rafiki points him to the pond and Simba's father Mufasa appears in the clouds.  His only counsel to his son is, "Remember who you are.  You are my son, and the one true King."  Every time before any Jeppson leaves the house, they know that one piece of advice is sure to greet their exit.  That is, "Remember who you are and what you stand for."  My grandpa fully remembered who he was.  He knew that he was a Son of God, and he treated everyone he met in the same way.  He knew that we were the son of a King, with the potential to become like them.  It must be a Rose Parker thing, but as Thomas S. Monson said, we should see people as what the can become.  That is how my grandpa lived his life.

This love and this unconditional acceptance is not unique to just my grandpa.  It is the legacy that he embodied of what it is to be a Jeppson.  We may not be the prettiest lot to look at, but when we get together you can be sure that there will be plenty of laughter and more food than you can handle.  But the biggest element you will find at a Jeppson gathering is love.  There is this acceptance of one another that must be reminiscent of the Celestial Kingdom.  An understanding that not one of us is perfect or better than the other pervades our reunions.  Even at a funeral there is hope and an overwhelming sense of love that cannot be compared to any other feeling I have felt in mortality.  I noticed this the most as I entered the chapel after the family prayer and closing of the casket.  I was surprised to see that there were walls did not burst because of the amount of love and support that I felt gushing from every person there to honor this great man.

I love the words of my cousin Jon Cook.  He said to my brother, "I wouldn't have missed this for the world.  He was like a grandpa to me.  He was also kind and respectful.  Even though we would banter about BYU and the U, I never felt any animosity or anger.  He is one of the best Ute fans out there."  It is only fitting that the back of the hurst had a U of U sticker, one that will always scream Grandpa Jeppson to me.

The world now seems a little bleaker without him in it.  I feel that I am mourning not only his loss, but the end of an era.  I am now a grand-orphan.  The world seems a little harsher without any grandparents to calm the woes or joke about Sarah and her lack of arms.  A family party will never be the same without his "Yep" or "Well" to fill in any silence.  But I am so grateful for the Plan of Salvation.  I feel his presence, and the presence of my other grandparents cheering me on. It is such a witness to me that the Savior lives to see the world come back to life as winter leaves and Spring comes again.  Although the grass may never be as green, and the skies might be a little less blue, the red of the U of U will always be a reminder to me that there is greater purpose to life than petty arguments and money.  It is the family and the love that is embodied in the memory of my Grandpa.  I love you and I miss you.  Give Grandma a huge hug from me!