Everyone has had zits. Picture this, junior high school aka hell. You wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, and there it is. The circus has come to town and decided to plop right on your forehead. Or nose. Or cheek. You think of all the things you can do to cover it up, to hide it. As you go through the day, all you feel is that everyone, including your teachers are staring at your zit. You want to scream, "HEY! I have a face! Eyes, nose, mouth, chin, cheeks, all the normal things! Stop looking at my zit!" Then somebody has the gall to come up to you and tell you how great you look today. You can't tell if they are either really that stupid or just that mean.
Sometimes I feel like this phenomenon happens with any weakness we may be struggling with, or that we have struggled with in the past. It definitely has been a problem for me in my life.
Here is where this analogy gets really cool for me. I used to LOVE Saved by the Bell. I had the biggest crush on Kelly Kapowski, and literally cried the other day when Jimmy Fallon brought everyone back for a reunion. One memorable episode is when Kelly gets a zit from some cream that Zack and Screech sell her. Of course, it is the same time that Homecoming Royalty elections are happening. She is furious with Zack. She even has dreams that she is walking the halls of Bayside with a great big clown nose. But, as Zack is a pro at getting out of trouble, he paints her face maroon and she is voted Homecoming Queen for being the girl with the most Bayside spirit.
In my life, I have been the Kelly Kapowski, even as recently as this week. I often feel like my zits will be in my way, and hold me back. That there is no way anyone would ever see me for anything more than my weaknesses, my character flaws. But, with the Atonement of Jesus Christ and friends here on earth, we can turn those weaknesses into strengths (See Ether 12:27). Our zits will go away, and we will have the clear complexion. Satan tries to get us to focus on our zits, and make them the big picture. They are just little things. A small part of who we are, and we are wonderful. It is difficult to ask for help, but there are many Zack Morris's out there who will help us paint our faces maroon and come out on top.
So, thank you to those of you who have helped me/are helping me through my rough days. Hopefully I can return the favor.
Friday, February 6, 2015
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Testimony Tuesday-Miss you Aunt Donna!
Today I am very grateful for my knowledge of the Plan of Salvation. It is such a great comfort to know that when our loved ones pass on, they are not truly gone. I got word last night that my dad's dad's sister, Donna, passed away. She has been sick for a while now, and we knew it was coming. It doesn't make the passing any easier. I take comfort in knowing that she is in the Spirit World now, and with those of our loved ones who have already finished their work here on the earth.
My favorite memory of Aunt Donna happened a few years back. We were doing our annual Montpelier Memorial day trip, and I remember sitting at the cemetery and visiting with Aunt Donna. She told me wonderful stories about my grandpa, and how much she loved and respected him. With Aunt Donna, you always knew that you were loved. She had this presence about her that made you feel like you were special, and that she cared about you. She always remembered my name and took the time to talk to me, even when I was a little kid. Her love will always be a treasure to me of my heritage, and she represented the Eschler/Kunz line well.
Miss you Aunt Donna! Give Grandpa and Grandma a great big hug from me!
My favorite memory of Aunt Donna happened a few years back. We were doing our annual Montpelier Memorial day trip, and I remember sitting at the cemetery and visiting with Aunt Donna. She told me wonderful stories about my grandpa, and how much she loved and respected him. With Aunt Donna, you always knew that you were loved. She had this presence about her that made you feel like you were special, and that she cared about you. She always remembered my name and took the time to talk to me, even when I was a little kid. Her love will always be a treasure to me of my heritage, and she represented the Eschler/Kunz line well.
Miss you Aunt Donna! Give Grandpa and Grandma a great big hug from me!
Aunt Donna and Traupa at his 90th (?) birthday
"As a special witness of Jesus Christ, I testify that He lives! I also testify that the veil of death is very thin. I know by experiences too sacred to relate that those who have gone before are not strangers to leaders of this Church. To us and to you, our loved ones may be just as close as the next room—separated only by the doors of death.
With that assurance, brothers and sisters, love life! Cherish each moment as a blessing from God. (See Mosiah 2:21.) Live it well—even to your loftiest potential. Then the anticipation of death shall not hold you hostage. With the help of the Lord, your deeds and desires will qualify you to receive everlasting joy, glory, immortality, and eternal lives."
-Elder Russell M. Nelson, Quorum of the 12 Apostles (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/doors-of-death?lang=eng)
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Fear Not, I am with thee
So, I'm trying to be better about writing a blog, and so I've decided to maybe try out some different themes on different days, just to see how it goes. I know everyone does #throwbackthursdays, but I was never really a fan. So, I'm going to try to do a #ThankfulThursday post.
To start out, on my mission one of my favorite hymns quickly became How Firm a Foundation. I don't know what page number it is in English, but I'm sure every Malagasy/Madagascar missionary knows that it is number 12 in the Malagasy hymnbook. Among member, this hymn was known as the hirampirenena, or the national hymn, because it is the one song that everyone seemed to know without needing a hymnbook. My favorite line quickly became the beginning of the third verse, "Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed, for I am thy God and will still give thee aid." Boom. There it is. A fact as honest and true as could only come from the Creator and the Father. I had several incredible experiences this week that strengthened my testimony of that fact.
This whole week I have been having the hardest time making decisions, and coming to terms with the way my life is going, and it being different than I expected. I received some great counsel from an incredible friend. She advised to me "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings." I often pray for help, but rarely do I "counsel," and especially not in "all [my] doings." Another friend posted on facebook, "coincidentally" around the same time the difference between praying like we are placing a grocery list, and meditating. So, Wednesday morning I got down on my knees, feeling like I had come to the end of my rope. I prayed and really tried to counsel with the Lord, pouring my heart out, and asking specific questions. My answer, like it normally does, didn't come during that time. But that time of meditation and prayer helped me to realize that He is with me. And I shouldn't fear.
When I walked into the kitchen, I noticed that I had a letter from a great friend. She and I recently decided that we should be penpals, and this was her first letter to me. In it, she expressed extreme gratitude to me for a priesthood blessing I gave her almost two years ago. I am extremely grateful for this letter, because it changed my week, and maybe even my life. She reminded me of the power of the priesthood, and of the amazing opportunity I have to be an instrument in the hands of the Lord. I had no idea that the blessing meant so much to her, nor did she know her letter meant so much to me. But I am grateful that the Lord uses us to mutually bless one another's lives and answer prayers.
I am also grateful for answers to prayer, and the diversity of ways that answers can come. Part of this #ThankfulThursday post has to go out to my mom and dad. They have been such staples of diligence and hard work in my life, and they always give me invaluable advice. One of the greatest blessings they have given me is an ability to work hard. Another is the ability to reason through life's choices and make a decision that is reasonable and in line with the Lord's will.
So, to summarize my gratitude, I am thankful for the Lord. For his mindfulness. For friends who follow promptings and help me. For prayer. For inspired leaders. For answers. For parents. For family.
To start out, on my mission one of my favorite hymns quickly became How Firm a Foundation. I don't know what page number it is in English, but I'm sure every Malagasy/Madagascar missionary knows that it is number 12 in the Malagasy hymnbook. Among member, this hymn was known as the hirampirenena, or the national hymn, because it is the one song that everyone seemed to know without needing a hymnbook. My favorite line quickly became the beginning of the third verse, "Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed, for I am thy God and will still give thee aid." Boom. There it is. A fact as honest and true as could only come from the Creator and the Father. I had several incredible experiences this week that strengthened my testimony of that fact.
This whole week I have been having the hardest time making decisions, and coming to terms with the way my life is going, and it being different than I expected. I received some great counsel from an incredible friend. She advised to me "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings." I often pray for help, but rarely do I "counsel," and especially not in "all [my] doings." Another friend posted on facebook, "coincidentally" around the same time the difference between praying like we are placing a grocery list, and meditating. So, Wednesday morning I got down on my knees, feeling like I had come to the end of my rope. I prayed and really tried to counsel with the Lord, pouring my heart out, and asking specific questions. My answer, like it normally does, didn't come during that time. But that time of meditation and prayer helped me to realize that He is with me. And I shouldn't fear.
When I walked into the kitchen, I noticed that I had a letter from a great friend. She and I recently decided that we should be penpals, and this was her first letter to me. In it, she expressed extreme gratitude to me for a priesthood blessing I gave her almost two years ago. I am extremely grateful for this letter, because it changed my week, and maybe even my life. She reminded me of the power of the priesthood, and of the amazing opportunity I have to be an instrument in the hands of the Lord. I had no idea that the blessing meant so much to her, nor did she know her letter meant so much to me. But I am grateful that the Lord uses us to mutually bless one another's lives and answer prayers.
I am also grateful for answers to prayer, and the diversity of ways that answers can come. Part of this #ThankfulThursday post has to go out to my mom and dad. They have been such staples of diligence and hard work in my life, and they always give me invaluable advice. One of the greatest blessings they have given me is an ability to work hard. Another is the ability to reason through life's choices and make a decision that is reasonable and in line with the Lord's will.
So, to summarize my gratitude, I am thankful for the Lord. For his mindfulness. For friends who follow promptings and help me. For prayer. For inspired leaders. For answers. For parents. For family.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Whataburger, Whatameal, Whatanadventure
Hello!
I have been SO terribly bad at posting and keeping updates. Hopefully I'll get better!
Just a few fun things....
School has started! Yikes! I can't believe that this day has come! (A week and a half ago). I didn't really know what to expect from graduate school, but I am so glad that I went to Weber. As of right now, I feel extremely prepared for what has been coming my way. My classes are great, and the professors expect us to think analytically. I feel like that is what I have been doing for the past few years, and it is nice that many of my classes are more in-depth reviews than what I did in my undergrad. Saying things like that makes me realize that I am in a whole new world. My undergrad. It's over.
I won't lie, I miss Weber like crazy. I grew so much there and put so much of my heart and soul into that place. I made some of the best friends I have ever had or knew were possible. And making new friends is HARD! But, it is worth it. At institute last night we talked about the importance of patience. Well, I guess I'll have to work on that a little more.
I went to Whataburger today for the first time. Apparently it is a big deal down here! Hahaha. It was kind of like a mix between McDonald's and In-n-out. Not as fancy as In-n-out, but not as grunge as Mickey D's. Hahaha. It was good though, and I'll probably be back.
Other things are starting to get better. My roommates are great, my ward is good and I'm starting to make friends. All in all, I can see myself being very happy here!
I have been SO terribly bad at posting and keeping updates. Hopefully I'll get better!
Just a few fun things....
School has started! Yikes! I can't believe that this day has come! (A week and a half ago). I didn't really know what to expect from graduate school, but I am so glad that I went to Weber. As of right now, I feel extremely prepared for what has been coming my way. My classes are great, and the professors expect us to think analytically. I feel like that is what I have been doing for the past few years, and it is nice that many of my classes are more in-depth reviews than what I did in my undergrad. Saying things like that makes me realize that I am in a whole new world. My undergrad. It's over.
I won't lie, I miss Weber like crazy. I grew so much there and put so much of my heart and soul into that place. I made some of the best friends I have ever had or knew were possible. And making new friends is HARD! But, it is worth it. At institute last night we talked about the importance of patience. Well, I guess I'll have to work on that a little more.
I went to Whataburger today for the first time. Apparently it is a big deal down here! Hahaha. It was kind of like a mix between McDonald's and In-n-out. Not as fancy as In-n-out, but not as grunge as Mickey D's. Hahaha. It was good though, and I'll probably be back.
Other things are starting to get better. My roommates are great, my ward is good and I'm starting to make friends. All in all, I can see myself being very happy here!
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Don't Mess with Texas
Hello!
It has been way too long since I've posted ANYTHING on my blog. But, now that I am out of state, I figured I would try to be better at posting.
I guess this post will be a short little update on the past year...
Last year about this time I was starting my final year at Weber State. I was moving in with some of my best friends, still working at the bookstore, and ready to have an awesome year. And it WAS! I had so much fun, learned so much, and grew a lot too. Looking back, I can hardly believe how much the lord has blessed me!
If you had asked me that in February, I might have said differently. I had spent the few months prior finishing the grueling process of graduate school applications. I applied to 7 schools for a Ph.D. in Clinical Neuropsychology. As my luck would have it, I planned and God laughed and I didn't get into any of the schools.
I was really thinking about taking a year off, and trying again. But I couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't right! Dr. Fowler (just one of the coolest people I know), told me to look into some master's programs and that's what I did! I applied to 3 different schools for a master's in neuroscience.
Time went on, and I was busy with graduation and finishing my last semester. It was such a great semester. I loved TAing for Dr. Shaw, learning how to snowboard, and finishing my capstone research project.
Graduation was a blur. A few weeks later a got a letter from the Teacher's College at Columbia University in New York City. I got IN!!! I was so happy! I couldn't believe it. I started looking up where I would live and what I would do. I couldn't believe that I would be moving to NYC. So crazy. A few weeks later I got letters of acceptance from both Tulane University in New Orleans, and the University of Texas at Dallas. Uh-oh, now I had a choice to make.
I spent a lot of time seeking advice from professors and contacts. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. NYC just seemed so glamorous and amazing. I finally decided that UTD would be the best fit for me. I went to the Bountiful Temple, and while sitting in the Celestial Room I had this amazing sense of peace that Texas was the next place for me to continue my journey. With renewed faith I accepted my offer to UTD, and declined my offers elsewhere.
The summer went on, and Tara moved home! We had a whirlwind two weeks together, cramming in as much as we possibly could.
Sunday, August 17th was probably one of the hardest days of my life. My cousin, Mallory, got home from her mission and was speaking in church, and it was great to see her and her family. I spent the afternoon with my family, procrastinating packing as much as possible. Trevor, Charlee, and Brecklyn had to go back to Logan, and that was the beginning of my goodbyes. When I look at the the past three years, I am so grateful for the three of them. Just 3.5 years ago, I didn't even know who Charlee was, and now she is one of my best friends. She is crazy, but she is great. So grateful to have her as a sister-in-law. She is a great mother to my niece, and the perfect fit for my brother. Trevor is the best brother I could ask for. He is so great, and I have always looked up to him and wished I could be just like him. I am so proud of him for the great husband and father that he has become. And little Brecklyn is just the light of our lives. She has so much personality, I can't wait to see what great things she will do with the world. Her Uncle Bubbles loves her!
Later that night, I asked my dad for a father's blessing. In my family, we have a tradition of getting father's blessings each year before school starts. The blessing my father gave me was just amazing. I don't remember all of the details, but I do remember the feelings I felt. That God loves me. He has a plan for me, and he is looking out for me. He is aware of my needs and desires, and I just need to trust in him. I was also so very aware of the blessings of my family. Both those still on this earth and those that have moved on to the other side of the veil. I felt the many prayers being offered in my behalf, and felt a great peace enter my heart.
The next morning I woke up early, loaded up the last of my stuff, and had to say my final goodbyes. I said bye to Dad the night before. I am so grateful for his leadership and his spirituality. He has taught me so much in my life, and it scares me when I find myself sounding just like him. When people tell me I am like my dad, I feel warm and fuzzy inside.
My dear, sweet mother is an angel. She has always been there for me, to counsel, to laugh, to advise, and to love. I for sure don't know where I would be without her. I hope the tooth fairy comes and is very nice to you mom!
Saying good-bye to my sister was also very hard. She has been my best friend for so long! It just seems dumb that two weeks after she comes home from a year away, I then leave. We must just be too awesome to handle in the same state for very long! I definitely think the rest of our family would go crazy! Thanks for being there for me Mimi!
I got to Texas safe and sound yesterday. It was a long drive, and there were moments where I was sure I was hallucinating. Either that or Superman really did fly out of a cornfield to save Dorothy Gale from a tornado in Kansas....
All I know is that the next few years will be exciting and wonderful. I have no idea what to expect, but I'll be ready!
It has been way too long since I've posted ANYTHING on my blog. But, now that I am out of state, I figured I would try to be better at posting.
I guess this post will be a short little update on the past year...
Last year about this time I was starting my final year at Weber State. I was moving in with some of my best friends, still working at the bookstore, and ready to have an awesome year. And it WAS! I had so much fun, learned so much, and grew a lot too. Looking back, I can hardly believe how much the lord has blessed me!
If you had asked me that in February, I might have said differently. I had spent the few months prior finishing the grueling process of graduate school applications. I applied to 7 schools for a Ph.D. in Clinical Neuropsychology. As my luck would have it, I planned and God laughed and I didn't get into any of the schools.
I was really thinking about taking a year off, and trying again. But I couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't right! Dr. Fowler (just one of the coolest people I know), told me to look into some master's programs and that's what I did! I applied to 3 different schools for a master's in neuroscience.
Time went on, and I was busy with graduation and finishing my last semester. It was such a great semester. I loved TAing for Dr. Shaw, learning how to snowboard, and finishing my capstone research project.
Graduation was a blur. A few weeks later a got a letter from the Teacher's College at Columbia University in New York City. I got IN!!! I was so happy! I couldn't believe it. I started looking up where I would live and what I would do. I couldn't believe that I would be moving to NYC. So crazy. A few weeks later I got letters of acceptance from both Tulane University in New Orleans, and the University of Texas at Dallas. Uh-oh, now I had a choice to make.
I spent a lot of time seeking advice from professors and contacts. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. NYC just seemed so glamorous and amazing. I finally decided that UTD would be the best fit for me. I went to the Bountiful Temple, and while sitting in the Celestial Room I had this amazing sense of peace that Texas was the next place for me to continue my journey. With renewed faith I accepted my offer to UTD, and declined my offers elsewhere.
The summer went on, and Tara moved home! We had a whirlwind two weeks together, cramming in as much as we possibly could.
Sunday, August 17th was probably one of the hardest days of my life. My cousin, Mallory, got home from her mission and was speaking in church, and it was great to see her and her family. I spent the afternoon with my family, procrastinating packing as much as possible. Trevor, Charlee, and Brecklyn had to go back to Logan, and that was the beginning of my goodbyes. When I look at the the past three years, I am so grateful for the three of them. Just 3.5 years ago, I didn't even know who Charlee was, and now she is one of my best friends. She is crazy, but she is great. So grateful to have her as a sister-in-law. She is a great mother to my niece, and the perfect fit for my brother. Trevor is the best brother I could ask for. He is so great, and I have always looked up to him and wished I could be just like him. I am so proud of him for the great husband and father that he has become. And little Brecklyn is just the light of our lives. She has so much personality, I can't wait to see what great things she will do with the world. Her Uncle Bubbles loves her!
Later that night, I asked my dad for a father's blessing. In my family, we have a tradition of getting father's blessings each year before school starts. The blessing my father gave me was just amazing. I don't remember all of the details, but I do remember the feelings I felt. That God loves me. He has a plan for me, and he is looking out for me. He is aware of my needs and desires, and I just need to trust in him. I was also so very aware of the blessings of my family. Both those still on this earth and those that have moved on to the other side of the veil. I felt the many prayers being offered in my behalf, and felt a great peace enter my heart.
The next morning I woke up early, loaded up the last of my stuff, and had to say my final goodbyes. I said bye to Dad the night before. I am so grateful for his leadership and his spirituality. He has taught me so much in my life, and it scares me when I find myself sounding just like him. When people tell me I am like my dad, I feel warm and fuzzy inside.
My dear, sweet mother is an angel. She has always been there for me, to counsel, to laugh, to advise, and to love. I for sure don't know where I would be without her. I hope the tooth fairy comes and is very nice to you mom!
Saying good-bye to my sister was also very hard. She has been my best friend for so long! It just seems dumb that two weeks after she comes home from a year away, I then leave. We must just be too awesome to handle in the same state for very long! I definitely think the rest of our family would go crazy! Thanks for being there for me Mimi!
I got to Texas safe and sound yesterday. It was a long drive, and there were moments where I was sure I was hallucinating. Either that or Superman really did fly out of a cornfield to save Dorothy Gale from a tornado in Kansas....
All I know is that the next few years will be exciting and wonderful. I have no idea what to expect, but I'll be ready!
Sunday, January 12, 2014
My Week of Last Firsts
This has been such a crazy last week of school. I have been really nostalgic about this whole last semester thing starting. Some fun things from this week:
1. I love my ward. It is so great to be back with my ward and to see them all.
2. I survived my last rush! It was not as awful as expected, but boy were we busy at the bookstore!
3. I am learning new things. I have a snowboarding and a swimming class this semester, and I am really enjoying learning some new hobbies and how to do them correctly.
1. I love my ward. It is so great to be back with my ward and to see them all.
2. I survived my last rush! It was not as awful as expected, but boy were we busy at the bookstore!
3. I am learning new things. I have a snowboarding and a swimming class this semester, and I am really enjoying learning some new hobbies and how to do them correctly.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
New Year's Resolutions
There's nothing like new years to urge a blog post on my seemingly empty and seemingly forgotten blog...
I've had a lot of time to think and to think and to think this Christmas break. It might sound pretty sacrilegious, but I have not really been a fan of the Holidays for a long time. I feel like I get very depressed around this time of year because I start to stew on how hard things are, or how awful things have been. My flow and my business kind of leave me, and I'm left with nothing but my own thoughts. As Lefou in Beauty and the Beast said, "A dangerous past-time" that thinking stuff is. Great, now I have that song stuck in my head. As I was saying, the break for me is traditionally a hard time where I stick myself in a rut, and end up missing out on the joys of the season.
This time around, I got thinking to how out of control my life has felt, and started in on the self-loathing because I wasn't happy with who I've become post mission. I've been really upset with myself because I haven't retained many of the skills and attributes that I worked so hard to get.
Luckily, I've had some answered prayers and some things brought to my remembrance. When I first got home I gave a talk in Sacrament Meeting. I outlined three principles that I learned from my mission as they were taught to me by my companions. The first lesson I learned was, as my blog title suggests, "Mianatra, mitombo, mivoatra," taught to me by a mini-missionary named Vonjy. It translates to mean, "Learn, grow, progress." Vonjy would tell me this whenever I was feeling down or when I was discouraged by my lack of knowledge in the language. I'm just glad I understood what he was telling me. This lesson is, for me, one of humility. Of meekness. It is not enough to just focus in on strengths or to only focus on weaknesses, but to be aware of weaknesses and work to overcome them. To remember that I am entirely dependent on the Lord and to rely on His strength and His Atonement to help me become better.
The second lesson I learned came from a dear friend, Elder Jacobson. I have always been a pretty indecisive person, and tend to focus on the reasons to not do certain things. When I would start to act like this, Elder Jacobson would look at me and say, "Pourquoi pas?" In French, this means, "Why not?" Too often I focus on all the reasons why I shouldn't do things, instead of having the courage to do things. The courage to begin, or the courage to persevere. I look at all the reasons why I shouldn't pursue a girl, why I'm not good enough. God didn't send me here to learn why I'm not doing things or to discover who I'm not. He sent me here to learn who I am. What qualities are hidden away in my potential that are just waiting to be uncovered? What friendships are left unmade because I was too afraid to take a risk? Pourquoi pas is a lesson in courage and in faith. I need to have the determination to take risks, to be an object in motion and not an object acted upon.
The last lesson that stood out to me from my mission was taught to me by a companion who had way too much energy and was way too happy. Elder Slater would often sing to me, "Aza manahy." The best translation for this is Hakuna Matata, and it really is a wonderful phrase. Worries only breed more worries. Sister Lehnardt told me quote that "Worrying about tomorrow only steals from todays solace." I really like that because it reminds me of the importance to enjoy the journey. This lesson speaks for itself in my mind, because it emphasizes the importance of diligence and enjoyment in the moment, in the present. Worrying about the future only brings anxiety, while worrying about the past brings depression. But focusing on the present brings courage, joy, and more determination.
So, those are my three new year's resolutions. After all, true doctrine, understood, changes behavior faster than a study of behavior changes behavior-Boyd K. Packer.
1. Mianatra, Mitombo, Mivoatra
2. Pourquoi Pas?
3. Aza Manahy-Don't Worry-Hakuna Matata
I've had a lot of time to think and to think and to think this Christmas break. It might sound pretty sacrilegious, but I have not really been a fan of the Holidays for a long time. I feel like I get very depressed around this time of year because I start to stew on how hard things are, or how awful things have been. My flow and my business kind of leave me, and I'm left with nothing but my own thoughts. As Lefou in Beauty and the Beast said, "A dangerous past-time" that thinking stuff is. Great, now I have that song stuck in my head. As I was saying, the break for me is traditionally a hard time where I stick myself in a rut, and end up missing out on the joys of the season.
This time around, I got thinking to how out of control my life has felt, and started in on the self-loathing because I wasn't happy with who I've become post mission. I've been really upset with myself because I haven't retained many of the skills and attributes that I worked so hard to get.
Luckily, I've had some answered prayers and some things brought to my remembrance. When I first got home I gave a talk in Sacrament Meeting. I outlined three principles that I learned from my mission as they were taught to me by my companions. The first lesson I learned was, as my blog title suggests, "Mianatra, mitombo, mivoatra," taught to me by a mini-missionary named Vonjy. It translates to mean, "Learn, grow, progress." Vonjy would tell me this whenever I was feeling down or when I was discouraged by my lack of knowledge in the language. I'm just glad I understood what he was telling me. This lesson is, for me, one of humility. Of meekness. It is not enough to just focus in on strengths or to only focus on weaknesses, but to be aware of weaknesses and work to overcome them. To remember that I am entirely dependent on the Lord and to rely on His strength and His Atonement to help me become better.
The second lesson I learned came from a dear friend, Elder Jacobson. I have always been a pretty indecisive person, and tend to focus on the reasons to not do certain things. When I would start to act like this, Elder Jacobson would look at me and say, "Pourquoi pas?" In French, this means, "Why not?" Too often I focus on all the reasons why I shouldn't do things, instead of having the courage to do things. The courage to begin, or the courage to persevere. I look at all the reasons why I shouldn't pursue a girl, why I'm not good enough. God didn't send me here to learn why I'm not doing things or to discover who I'm not. He sent me here to learn who I am. What qualities are hidden away in my potential that are just waiting to be uncovered? What friendships are left unmade because I was too afraid to take a risk? Pourquoi pas is a lesson in courage and in faith. I need to have the determination to take risks, to be an object in motion and not an object acted upon.
The last lesson that stood out to me from my mission was taught to me by a companion who had way too much energy and was way too happy. Elder Slater would often sing to me, "Aza manahy." The best translation for this is Hakuna Matata, and it really is a wonderful phrase. Worries only breed more worries. Sister Lehnardt told me quote that "Worrying about tomorrow only steals from todays solace." I really like that because it reminds me of the importance to enjoy the journey. This lesson speaks for itself in my mind, because it emphasizes the importance of diligence and enjoyment in the moment, in the present. Worrying about the future only brings anxiety, while worrying about the past brings depression. But focusing on the present brings courage, joy, and more determination.
So, those are my three new year's resolutions. After all, true doctrine, understood, changes behavior faster than a study of behavior changes behavior-Boyd K. Packer.
1. Mianatra, Mitombo, Mivoatra
2. Pourquoi Pas?
3. Aza Manahy-Don't Worry-Hakuna Matata
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